2015
the newspaper says crime is down in Manitoba for the last quarter of 2014. mmmm, wonder if the cold has anything to do with it. some dude wants to roll me for $20 - 'sure just wait 10 minutes while i take off my mitts and ski mask, take off my parka, remove the straps from my Tough Duck overalls, reach beyond my long johns and grab that money for you.' by that time the dude has frostbite. thieves are lazy too. no wonder so many Dickie Dee guys get robbed in summer. not only does he come to the bad guy's house, he rings a bell to let him know he's there. very Pavlovian.
January 4th.
i've noticed that garbage on the side of the road is always from shit that's bad for you. KFC, McDonald's, smokes, beer cans. You never see packaging from Lululemon pants or wrappings from organic grapes. Clearly the litterers are drunk, fat and unhealthy people.
January 6th
a lot of my friends are going back to school to learn more. i don't want to learn more, i know too much. you notice how kids have fun? adults don't because they know too much. kids go to the zoo and see to polar bears playing and they think, 'that's awesome.' adults think, 'the polar bears are here because their mom was killed. they probably have sibling who are in mexico dying in the heat.' kids go to a hockey game and eat a hot dog and think, 'that's awesome.' adults think, 'this wiener is made of horse hooves and sawdust, it'll also add 2 inches to my waist.'
i want to go to school to unlearn stuff. i want my prof to tell me that the ozone layer is fine and that everyone in the world has food. STOP LEARNING.
January 7th - planted some tomatoes, green peppers and herbs today.
personalized license plates. i like them because now i can personalize my insults in traffic. before it was, 'he you asshole.' now it's, hey you KIMBO1, you're an asshole.' (that's equally true during the world cup of soccer. with all the flags hanging out the windows you can yell things like, 'watch where you're going you kraut.') sometimes, with all the abbreviations, i can't decode the plate fast enough to get in a good verbal shot. he's out of range by the time i figure out the GR8 means great and by then it's too late. of course the other side of that is if you have a vanity plate like i do, people call out your nickname and you think they know you. be careful too if you bought a vanity plate for your wife and then you have to borrow her car. no guy likes driving around with QTPIE on it.
January 15th
speaking of traffic - had an ambulance come up behind me the other day. i knew it said that because it was spelled correctly in my rearview mirror. good for me, bad for everyone else in traffic. i suppose it started when some moron didn't realize it was an ambulance behind her. (i assume it was a her). "i'm sorry officer. i didn't realize it was an ambulance and i couldn't figure it out because i was distracted by the flashing lights and the loud sirens." so now because one person was too stupid to read ambulance backwards in her mirror we all have to suffer. what's next? anything viewed in a mirror needs to be spelled backwards? Qtips becomes spitQ. Crest becomes tserC.
january 20
just spent my first day as an extra on the TV show The Pinkertons. it's shot in GrossIsle MB. it was minus 1 degree - very nice. the extras are all retirees or 'authors' or grandparents or civil servants. they are extras for all kinds of things and are kind of pros at it. we stood around a lot - my feet froze (although they were frozen when i got there because it is between september and may) - and walked slowly in the background pretending to have conversations. one guy - wayne - was a scene stealer. every time they yelled action he was always in the shot. funny. the food was great - lemon chicken, pulled pork, two kinds of salads, basmati rice, etc. lots of coffee. cool drone shot too. btw, i'm allergic to horses and there were horses around me all the time. i survived. 8 hours at $12 per hour.
January 22
Elton John used to be married to a woman - a short woman - 5'2." now he's married to a man - a tall man - 6'4."
firstly i feel like i've been had. Elton's songs were the anthems of my youth. when i first learned to play guitar i would woo girls with some of his ballads. 'your song' and the like. but now i find out he was lying. (a bit like televangelists converting people to christianity even though they themselves are not). and i have to question the lyrics of his songs. when he was straight it was "a couple of the sounds that i really like are the sounds of a switchblade and a motorbike." now it's 'hakuna matata.' and i don't even want to know what he meant when he sang 'tiny dancer.'
secondly, going from a 5'2" inch woman to a 6'4" man must be tough. i know i dated two girls back to back and they were 7 inches different in height. and when we were intimate it was an adjustment. a good one though. all the good parts were farther apart. now imagine going from a woman to a man. it's like an NHL goalie playing hockey in Europe on the big rink. you can do it and it's fun, it's just hard to adjust to the angles.
January 23
getting ready for my second day of extra shooting on the pinkertons. i hate this beard but it's for the art. plus 2 predicted for today so i hope my feet don't get too cold. i wish they wore Sorrels in the 1800s.
January 26
going with a bit of a redneck look now. traveling to FLA in two weeks, don't know if i look enough like my passport photo to keep it. that's a shame. had breakfast with Machine Gun Dave aka Sheriff Logan today @ Luna Rossa. he's funny. got lots of tomatoes with my omelette. in fairness, the waitress asked if i liked tomatoes.
January 28 - it rained for most of the day today, high of 0. weird.
January 29
reading 'random acts of kindness' in the free press this morning. it's always middle-class random acts. "my husband and i were waiting for the valet to retriever our Volvo after leaving Hy's steakhouse when we realized we had left our Amex gold card on the table. well, thanks to Henri - the maitre'd - who skipped out after us and returned it to us. what would we have done without it?' why not some real shit? "i was woke up in a park in the north end of winnipeg with a broken heroine needle stuck in my arm. and i hadn't injected the heroine yet. just then a nurse walked by and offered to help me out. another stranger who just happened to have a pair of pliers strolled by pulled out the needle, then the nurse, who had an extra syringe, re-injected the heroine. they are my everyday heroes.'
February 4
minus frickin' 33 with a windchill of -39. nice day for the 8th graders to head to Camp Arnes.
February 5th
spent the day in Gimli. went to Gimli Hotel/The Oldie Cafe for breakfast - get the ham. they spelled Caesar wrongly but the food was good and the coffee was hot and the clientele was interesting. one of the guys looked just like Tony Beats (sp?) from Gold Rush. wandered into the lounge - nice Crown Royal throne to greet me. Crown Royal has, at any given time, 2 million barrels of whiskey aging in their warehouses just north of Gimli so they are omnipresent in Gimli. turns out at 10:30 in the morning the thrown is empty but the VLTs are full. then off to Gimli Rec Centre whose receptionist is named Inge - those crazy icelanders. their gym was undergoing renos. ran into 'Rec Centre Scott.' he set me up with slider and broom to shoot some rocks. all in all a great day.
Feb 8
February 9 - 13
had breakfast with bunky, gordy and NB at airport. boarded plan to MCO. waited for Jzobber's luggage (Air Canada) then Basen took us to reunion. had a few drinks and bagged.
up for breakfast at clubhouse, shuttle lost our luggage, 18 holes at Nicklaus course - 44-41=85.
big dinner at Eleven. Falcon 9 rocket launch scrubbed.
golfed palmer course on wednesday. 2 birdies.
two more rounds of golf. i shot an 82, SAME AS TIGER TWO WEEKS AGO AT WASTE MANAGEMENT. Palmer was the best - Watson a close second (no water) and Nicklaus a distant third on the 'like' meter. fancy meal at Eleven. Forte on the last night. hot tub and swimming one evening under an orange tree. 7/11 only 20 minute walk. saw the Falcon 9 launch.
JESUS
FALCON 9 LAUNCH
ICE CREAM
FORTE
ELEVEN
March 3rd
weather still sucks. cold. good thing too, the rink is still viable. went to look at cars yesterday. jetta and kia soul/sorrento. cheer guy at Knight's. "my friend" this, "my friend" that. tried to sell me on the jetta's trunk having it's hinges on the side. 'big advantage.'
bought $110 guitar at Zeuff's on the weekend. no low end but it looks great and stays in tune.
March 5th
Minus 26 this morning. In like a lion? More like in like a frickin' Tazmanian Devil. Supposed to warm up for the weekend. Meeting with Greg Sawatzky today - boy they love their meetings - re: Joshua staying the whole day. Would be nice, especially him taking the bus home. Last night, after two stellar weeks of getting along on the rink, Brass came in screaming 'idiot.' It seems he lost the game.
March 7th
Not a banner day for Joshua. He got mad that the rink was melting - said it was because I told him rather than that he found out for himself - and went on a rampage. took the sledge and axe and attacked the 'good' ice. then spent and hour and a half shovelling snow back onto the rink so it would be 'done.' (at some point during his 'activity' he asked if he could go in and put on warmer clothes - i said no. then he came inside, dressed warmer and built a fort outside our front window for two hours. came in and, while was making supper, trashed his room, our room and deb's office. he was mad at her for being mad at him. she went to Costco on her own.
Joshua did his first 'quarter section' today. +1 degrees and he's off.
March 8th
Joshua rode 8 miles on his bike (plus one degree) and then hiked to the 'bush' and commando'd for a while and then HITCH HIKED back. piece of work that guy.
March 10 - was an extra in the Pinkertons.
March 15,16,17
It's a stressful time for Joshua - too much going on.
Good wings at free supper at C'mon Inn.
Larissa not there - predictions for next year.....? back together? i'd say so.
Joshua bought a knife. why not?
March 17th
Spring is sort of here.
March 18.
Took Joshua to 2nd last visit to the dentist before his braces go in. Yikes.
Brass drew a superhero, then ripped it up of course.
March 19th
Went to Jets game (vs. St. Louis) with Nails. Jets win 2-1 shoot out. coffee afterwards at Tims.
March 21 - Ditchskated
March 23rd
Went to HSC for doctors appt. Joshua video taped another patient (who was drunk) with her kid. ironic. also tried to explain the word ironic.
march 28th aka Nine days of naps aka spring break....
Deb shouldn't have taken Brass' electronics away for 8 days. it punishes only us. but once it's out...
Joshua is off to Jets practice this morning with Doug. We'll see how it goes. Other than him phoning home to buy and Ice Caps puck, nothing unusual. (but i haven't asked him what he ate yet).
Brass is two days away from getting his electronics back. he's driving us all crazy with his juggling sticks. (kneels on the kitchen floor and does 'helicopter.')
march 29
nothing major today. joshua had 8 wings and when deb asked him how many more he wanted he said, "Ten."
march 30
going for full hillbilly beard. family doesn't want me to shave my head but i will if we get another dog.
@ 2:00 and 15 degrees, Joshua said he was going out at 10:00 p.m.
march 31st
a few years ago we confiscated a Wii video game from Joshua - Batman Arkam City. it was too violent and put him in a nasty mood if he played it. today hr asked me when the U.S. election would be held. i told him i thought november 8th, 2016 and then asked him why he wanted to know. he said he needed a date to remember to discuss whether he could get his video game back. i told him that yes, on november 8th, 2016 we could DISCUSS getting his game back. oh, he'll remember.
april 1st.
joshua got up at 5:00 - he said he was sick. found him in the playroom downstairs. yikes.
april 3rd - Good Friday. P Elwood coming over today.
cold out. breakfast at Garwood.
april 3rd
deb made the boys vegetable soup today. joshua said, 'there are too many vegetables in this soup."
april 5th
went to Santa Lucia to celebrate 9 days of spring break. ordered way too much food. Brass wanted me to order the 'bigger' pizza.
April 10/11th - 22 degrees.
snow is all gone - got out the BARD. masters weekend. tigers is still a douche. Spieth wins.
April 15
wind blew half our shingles off. insurance covers it, just not for wind. how else would they fail?
April 16
Jets play first playoff game in 19 years. kind of a buzz here.....
April 20
snow today. jets play first home playoff game vs. Ducks down 2 games to none. Joshua gets his braces this week.
April 24
Joshua got braces today. Eleven seconds after walking out of the dentist's office he said, "I'm used to them already."
Planted 7 rows of corn - 3 and 4, and a few green beans.
April 25th, Bunky's 50th at Teo's. Ran into Gord Zerbe (and Wendy).
April 25th. Redneck mustache.
April 29th. "A halfway house is like a humane society for people." Daniel Brass.
May 16th - went to Montanas with Tangles and his boys. Pretended it was Ethan's birthday for the free ice cream.
May 19-20 had our roof re-shingled.
May 21 - auditioned for 'safety guy' part via iPhone. didn't get it.
May 21 - auditioned for truck driver part. didn't get it.
May 23rd - golfed with Tangles, Seth and Ethan @ Larters. I shot 81. Joshua 116.
May 29th - golfed at Pine Ridge with Duane. shot 84.
May 30th. Baseball tourney in IDC. Knights lost both games. Joshua has yet to register a hit this year.
June 6th - siblings went to Earls to spend dad's tax refund. $700...?
June 7th - got a guy on Kijiji to move the Red Bench. here it is in transit.
June 5th - the Knights rallied from a 7-1 deficit to 'win' the game. rules allow for only 6 runs per inning so technically it was a tie.
June 9. Providence golf tourney. Sean, Ray and me. (missing: Chris Koop). Won the deal, $25 GC from Spaghetti Factory - also closest to hole (Quarry Island Green: 8'7") $50 GC to Slice of Life in Niverville.
June 10th. Went to BDI to celebrate boys' report cards. Walked to MaryAnn and Roy's house - took Sparky. Also, got the pool heater delivered today. Now I need to pour a cement pad and wait for Co-op.
June 12-14 went to Saskatoon to see NB. saw Robbie Neufeld too. had breakfast on Friday at the Broadway Cafe. Lots of wings on friday too. hot tub on saturday. Dom made crepes and pizza on saturday for homework.
June 18th. installed the pool heater, by 8:00 it was 82 and brass and i went for a warm swim.
June 17th, gave blood in IDC.
June 21st. Father's day. ran the relay with Sasha, Kiah, Lois and Bex. 3:48. Loewen's rule.
June 19 Brass and me at Lilac.
June 20 Joshua and I went to mow lawn at 306 Reimer and this was the petting zoo at Summer in the City.
June 29 finished up at Ernie's place.
June 28 Kiah's grad party at Tangles'.
June 30 Hollis Brown deck party.
July 3rd. Joshua had a dentist appt and then we went to Mrs. Mike's.
July 4th went golfing with Joshua to Fly In. Best line: While swinging: "Did I just get hit by a golf ball?" Then 'Rock?" Then "Bee sting?"
July 5th. Brass' birthday party canceled due to 2" of rain in and hour and a half so we went to Montana's.
July 8th. took brass to the dentist. his chiclets are in trouble. missing one tooth, from birth. call in the specialist.
July 10th. went to slice of life (golf coupon) and then ran into dave who had just picked up chickens.
July 11th Deb took Joshua to the Folk Fest.
July 12th. went to opening of Freshii - boys hated it, went to 7 11 for slurpees. then managed to get them outside (humidex of 40 today) for some target shooting.
July 14th golfed with Fudd and Paul and Tangles at Niakwa. Had dinner there - a couple bottles of wine too.
July 16th golfed with Brass and Joshua @ Fly In. 9 holes = 4 hours.
June 18th Went to Meg's Masters party at The Dock
June 20th made a muskoka chair from scrap.
July 21 took the boys strawberry picking in LaSalle.
July 23 - golfed with Koop.
Joshua spent more time writing down AC/DC lyrics. Why not?
July 22-24 Wes has been over for night for the last 4 nights. he's having a hard time getting his stuff back from maria. stayed in the camper on the yard 2 nights ago but got kicked out the next day.
July 25 Joshua and I went to Fly In. I shot 80 Joshua shot 114?
Sunday, July 26 - went with Wes to get some of his stuff from the house.
July 27 - invented the pool noodle hammock.
July 28 - Wes and Joshua having coffee at 6:30 am.
July 29 - golfed with Wes, Greg and Koop @ Quarry. Very windy.
August 1. Visited mom's grave and back to our place for a BBQ.
TheBard - double rainbow.
August 3rd - started planning Road Trip to west coast. Booked hotel in Medicine Hat for August 15.
August 5th. Deb's birthday.
August 7th. Had coffee with Vic Neudorf at Fools and Horses. Good times - too bad about Harvey. Also ran into Arlene Loewen at the mall - had a nice chat with her. (oh, and a tornado touched down in Anola today).
August 8th. went to Judy's wedding at Red Rock.
August 11. Made apple sauce.
August 11 - Joshua harvesting his oats and getting a combine ride with James.
August 12 - Went golfing at Maplewood. Also Goldeyes game. Ran into Lloyd and Val. Goldeyes won 3-0.
August 15 - on the road to the west coast.
IMPERIAL INN - FAMILY SUITE
11 Days on road trip ---------
August 27 golfed with TK at Fly-In. My wrist is really starting to hurt. Interesting then that I golfed with a choiropractor. (SP?) Joshua was golfing with Doug Park at the same time. I gave him his favourite tee.
August 29 - went with the boys to the bomber game. bombers lost to calgary 36-8. they suck. joshua bought a shirt/cow bell. i sent him on his own to the store. HE CAME BACK.
September 3. TK and I went to Quarry.
september 4th. joshua bought his first iPhone 5 today. i mention this only because it will be confiscated tomorrow.
September 6th - auditioned for a commercial for Crown Royal. i was terrible and don't expect to get it.
September 11 - we have flies. we've called 3 exterminators. we have flies.
September 13 - Joshua and I went to Fly-In. Joshua had two pars and a BIRDIE on the highway hole. Oh, and it was 31.6 degrees.
September 14th. had first spanish class. (don't know if i'll go for second) deb worked for elections canada. boys were alone for about an hour and the house has not burned down.
September 15. Daniel gave us his first ever "fuck you." at least 10 times too. that was after he called deb and me 'a little ass.' sweet boy.
September 16 - filmed a commercial for Maxim Trucks with TripWire. Good Fun.
September 17th. AC/DC concert.
September 19th - Kinsmen golf tourney. got closest to the hole (if you know what i mean). = 14" away on a 180 yard par 3 with a 6 iron, one of the best shots of my life. won a #50 GC from Cabela's. Mike Barkman had one rule from Lana - don't get drunk. He failed. also got umbrellas as a team prize. Also when I got home the boys were trying to get rid of Joshua's crop stubble. I went outside to find Brass with a jerry can of gas, he was going to pour it on the fire that Joshua had started with the blow torch - which he couldn't turn off by the way so it was just burning. I managed to stop that adventure.
September 20. went to Apple store to get Joshua's repaired iPhone 5. they not only fixed the on/off button but they put in a new batter and camera as well. all for free.
September 22, tilled joshua's field and planted winter wheat. Joshua got his 'last' combine ride of the year.
September 23 - Joshua got up in the middle of the night and ate 4 cookies - time to lock the fridge/freezer/pantry.
September 25th. Closed the pool down - 27 degrees. Went to have beers with Bunkey at Confusion Corner. He didn't show up. Go figure. Came home and had nachos.
Septmeber 27th - 24 degrees, not a breath of wind. did some yard work with the boys. Went to 'the dock' housewarming ran into paul and julie derksen.
September 28th - i built this.
September 30th - got manure from James. Spread it onto gardens. Joshua harvested his sunflowers.
October 2nd. Joshua harvesting corn.
October 3rd. out to 306 Reimer for some leaf cleaning.
October 5th. went to gym for the first time since spring. didn't gain any weight in summer. nice.
October 7th - went to Jecyll and Hyde's - bunkey and Lara Rae showed up. Picked up pine table and paid Mick.
October 8th. Joshua has his field cleared for next year.
October 9th - Brass had a nice tantrum - in the garage for about an hour. He kicked a couple of cats (hard) and called me a F*#* ing Nword about a dozen times. Kept saying Yolo Swag....?
October 10th - Brass slept with the black cats under the heat lamp and we went to see The Walk in IMAX.
October 11th - 25 degrees, sunny, no wind. Beautiful day to work outside. So we did. I worked on my pine dining room table, deb washed windows with 'help' from boys. joshua road the section a whack of times.
October 15. Brass missed the bus to volleyball while he was at Jericho's. He's a piece of work that guy. Just biligirent and always right. Hard to spend any time with him.
October 16th - Brass went for an evening of fun to Jericho's. I picked him up. On the way home he said he had a terrible time but he had fun. Then we got home, he had a big tantrum, threw the paper towels/holder then smashed a couple of clay bowls from the island. He talked about how he wanted to go live in a group home. (It's Joshua redux from a few years ago).
October 17 - went to Brothers Landreth - Keg first. Here are the rules we left Nathan. Should've added 'no 4 bowls of popcorn for Joshua.'
Nathan Rules
NO ELECTRONICS DOWNSTAIRS FOR EITHER BOYS UNLESS NATHAN IS WITH THEM. THE EXCEPTION IS WII AND AGAIN, ONLY IF NATHAN IS WITH THEM.
NOT ALLOWED PLAYROOM AT ALL.
THEY CAN WATCH A MOVIE IF THEY AGREE - BRASS IS LOW MAN ON THE TOTEM POLE VIS A VIS CHOICES SO JOSHUA HAS FINAL SAY BUT HE’S PRETTY GENEROUS.
THEY CAN HAVE POPCORN DURING THE MOVIE. YOU CAN BUY POPCORN AT COOP WHILE YOU PICK UP PIZZA. (PIZZA FOR SUPPER). NO SLURPIES AT COOP.
NO CHOCOLATE FOR THE BOYS. I.E. NO SHARING THE CHOCOLATE YOU BOUGHT WITH THE BOYS.
IF THEY PLAY MINI STICKS - RADIO ONLY. AND NO CONCERTS AT ALL.
BED TIME (IF THEY GO TO BED BEFORE WE GET HOME). JOSHUA GOES FIRST. THEN BRASS 20 MINS LATER ONCE JOSHUA IS ASLEEP. IF THEY WANT TO GO TO BED AT THE SAME TIME NATHAN MUST BE IN THE ROOM.
October 18th - had lunch with Murray Hamm @ Garwood Grill.
October 19th. Joshua road 18 miles again - 3 times around the double section. Brass is pretty much horrible to be around.
October 20 - installed new dining room table.
October 21 - planted some tulips today, both at home and 4 in front of mom's grave. Also 'planted' Red Lion Amaryllis. Went to Koops to put in new light bulbs.
October 22 - Brass played volleyball at Steinbach.
October 24 - went sheep-catching with James. Went to Bomber game with Joshua and Geesp.
October 26th. picked up plywood in Niverville and started building Koop's shoe shelf. Went to dr.'s appt with both boys. Ate Slice of Life sandwiches.
October 27th - went to Jets vs. Kings game with Joshua. Jets lost 4-1 (two empty-netters). Joshua said, "I'm never going to another Jets game."
October 28 - built this for koop.
October 30 - Joshua lost my pliers in the ditch when he was putting this up. He said they were rusty and didn't figure i'd want them anymore. We went back and got them. Then we found out the next day he borrowed a saw from our neighbours to cut off a big branch. We found this out only because his hoodie was ripped and when we asked him how it ripped he said from a tree branch. He then proceeded to tell us the whole story.
October 31 - Hallowe'en. Set up the Bard. Brass and Joshua both went alone. Not a lot of trick or treaters. I dropped in on Tim and Jen for a drink. Joshua ended up at Alex' - then Deb drove them to Ray/mom's for goodness.
November 7th - Today we started rec hockey on Saturday mornings. I told Billy's little brother he wouldn't last the whole season. I helped him get dressed, went to Co-op to get a coffee, by the time I got back, he was undressed. He lasted 7 minutes. He was cold and his feet hurt. Also, he says he likes feeling sick.
His brother Billy was dressed an hour before his start time and visualized his game to come in the dressing room listening to AC/DC. He scored a goal, kept the puck and we put tape around it to mark the occasion.
posted by ripkin @ 7:49 AM
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